I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
