I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
