Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
