It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
