i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You are the jesus of drinking
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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