Just fell off a train. Bad.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
