Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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