what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
