Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
