i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
