I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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