Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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