if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
