Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
