This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
