Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
