How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
