What did we do last night that was yellow?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
