not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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