Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My ATM looks so different sober.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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