My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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