Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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