heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
