I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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