you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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