just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
