and she was petting her beer can
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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