I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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