discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
