i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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