im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
