i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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