K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
