Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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