I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
