does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
