I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
