dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
