she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
