guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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