I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
