You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
