Small penises have feelings too.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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