Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
