god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
