I wish my penis had an off switch
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
