My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
