apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
