life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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