That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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