My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
