Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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