i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She bit a glass in half.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
