As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
