So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
