i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
