so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
