and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
